Escape From Colditz

'It's not just a job, it's an adventure'. So the brochure says. Travelling on the Rolling Stones 'Voodoo lounge' tour we found our selves 'bored out of our skulls and out of welding rods' between Leipzig and Berlin. High on yonder hill there stood a castle that looked a bit familiar. As usual, being the global nosy bastards that we are, we decided to investigate. It turns out that 'yonder castle' is none other than 'Colditz' castle, world famous for being the castle that is known as Colditz, slap bang in the middle of a small town, known locally as Colditz. We made our way into the 'bad boys camp' and found ourselves in the imposing courtyard. What a fucking grim place to be incarcerated in I thought. It was a glorious sunny day on the outside of the Castle walls but inside, the high walls ensured that no light got in. A scruffy looking chap approached us and in his best English told us that we could wander free around the court yard but to be reasonably quiet as the former POW camp was now in use as a mental hospital. 'Home at last I thought' this would be the perfect place to spend an afternoon that would usually entail sitting on a tour bus with the same people that one has spent the last fifteen years sitting on a tour bus with. I decided to leave the group to get a smoke then some shut-eye. I wandered of into this room which I found out later was where they kept the Dutch prisoners. I don't know if it was the effect of the 'welding rods' or maybe I was just too tired but I was awakened an hour later by our scruffy friend. Seemingly I had wandered into another part of the castle and got my self locked in a wine cellar. The only way out was through one of the ill-fated tunnels that were partially concrete'd up. I was told that luckily I was still in the non-hospital side of the castle because if I was caught in the working part they would have kept me in thinking I was a patient trying to go 'walkies'.